paperdubs

There's something a little narcissistic about having an online journal, open to the public, but considering the number of people who do it, I think it's probably within reason. We all have to love ourselves some, ne c'est pas? So, a little about myself. My name is Michael Lewis, but some of my friends call me Bigtime, or just Biggie. The number of people who call me that is shrinking, as I've not been the best at keeping my relationships in order over the past couple of years. I've sort of become a little bit of a recluse, though I'm trying to break out. I have something of a difficult time dealing with change or, more importantly, with effecting it in my own life. This can be a good thing when it translates to stability, but a friend of mine once told me that the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. That's something I need to take to heart.

I love music. I am never without it. I am usually thinking about it, at least to some extent. I like making it, but I'm more of a consumer than a creator. One of my favorite things is hearing a band I've never heard before, even if I end up not liking them. I cut my teeth on metal, followed by hardcore/punk, followed by reggae, then hip-hop, then dance music, then country, then back to reggae to discover dub, and now I'm starting to appreciate jazz. By far, dub, hip-hop, hardcore, and metal are the pillars of my cultured life. They are the filter through which I hear everything else, the lenses that shape my sight.

I am an avid reader, particularly of mysteries, stories of crime, or stories of espionage. I grew up on fantasy and sci-fi, but recent attempts to find a fantasy book that I could enjoy have all ended in disappointment. It probably goes without saying that I also enjoy music writing, or those rare instances where music writing and fiction meet. I can't say that I approach new authors the same way I do new bands, at least not with the same receptive open-mindedness. I'm always looking for new authors that can capture my imagination, but I'm much less forgiving than with music.

I am a skeptic and a non-believer in most things supernatural. I do not believe in gods. I do not believe that there exists a life after this one. I do believe in science, in logic, rationality, and the beauty of existence.

I am an atheist, through and through. I don't begrudge others their religions, except when those religions come into direct conflict with peaceful exsitence and the growth of our collective intelligence. I am taoist of the neo-taoist, non-spiritual sort. I believe there is a natural rhythm to life, and that the more in harmony with it that we live our lives, the more pleasant our lives will be. I believe that this natural rhythm differs for everyone, and what's right for me may not be right for those around me. Thus, I try to not preach the lifestyle that I live, be it my atheism, my vegetarianism, or anything along those lines. I am very aware of the parts of my life or lifestyle that are out of harmony with my tao, and I am trying to bring those parts of my life back into synchronization. I have a long road ahed of me in that respect, but I can move at my own pace.

After 12 years of living with the label, I still consider myself "straight edge," but most people who use that label would disagree. To me, straight edge is just a natural extension of taoism, a refusal to let my life become unbalanced when it comes to my indulgences. So, I do not get drunk. I do not use drugs. Would I have a glass of wine with dinner if it were offered? Sure. Would I have half a bottle? No. I wouldn't drink a two-litre of Coke, either, and the glass of that concoction I have with dinner is much closer to a "poison" than a glass of wine would be. I've just come to realize over the last couple of years that being so absolute in my refusal was no less out of balance than if I were to get drunk. Living life through absolutes generally turns out to be a bad idea, at least for me.

I have been vegetarian for thirteen years, less a six-month stint off the wagon brought on by depression in my early twenties. It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

What else? I am happily married. As of 2007, I've been with my beautiful wife for eight years, though this is our fifth of marriage. Despite any extreme highs or lows we've had in the past, we're very happy now. Ashley and I have found our rhythm, and we make a good team. We have a wonderful dog, an addition to our familiy that has completed our circle. Lola is a two year old Schipperke mix, smart, beautiful, and full of energy. We have a house that is comfortable, in a neighborhood that is generally quiet. We like living in the city, but I'm glad that we're in a city with so many trees and green spaces.

So that's me, in a nutshell. Musicphile, reader, wannabe musician/writer, atheist yet taoist, skeptic-not-cynic, vegetarian, no longer a communist but still a sympathizer,